It doesn’t matter how you returned to the Kingdom of Singleville. You might have experienced the loss of a beloved partner due to death, or you may have divorced a spouse with whom you were very glad to part ways.
For those who have been previously married, there’s a good chance you never thought you’d be forced to move here.
You may reluctantly set up a new home and continue to go about the business of your life. However, if you’re mad to be in this place, I bet you haven’t even given Singleville a chance. There are lots of good things in this kingdom. However, if you are stuck in resentment, you’ll be oblivious of what it has to offer.
Here are three new ways to look at your situation.
1. Sure, you’re missing a companion with whom to share your life. However, maybe sharing is overrated!
Look at the bright side. You can now hog all the covers; stay up as late as you want and not worry about bothering a partner; wear ratty old underwear and pj’s; watch what you want to on TV; eat cereal for dinner because you don’t feel like cooking; not have to sit through endless sports games or chick flicks; or not have to associate with former family members you never liked.
2. It may be too quiet in the house for you. however, you can transform this into an opportunity.
Look at the bright side. When you’re single, you may have lots of time on your hands to think and, even better, to dream. You can take this quiet time to formulate an action plan for the next part of your life. Without having to worry about ignoring a partner because you’re too busy, you can continue your education or work toward a higher degree, pursue hobbies you love, learn new things and volunteer for causes dear to your heart.
3. You look at older couples walking in companionable silence and feel you’ve been robbed of this experience. Even if you meet someone new, he/she will only be able to see you as you are now and will never see the young person inside that your former mate did.
Look at the bright side. I agree that this is a sad fact of losing and/or divorcing a partner at an older age. However, if you look at the divorce rates these days, there’s at least a 50% chance you wouldn’t make it to your old age with one partner. When the institution of marriage was first invented, longevity for humans wasn’t in the cards. “Till death do us part” might have only meant 20 or so years before one or both parties passed away. Without negating your loss, instead of ruing the fact that you have to look for love at an older age, consider the idea that you’re a grown-up now who knows what he/she wants and needs. Your next partner might be better-suited for you and the lifestyle you envision for the second half of your life than the partner you met and married at a young and naïve age.
I realize that even the good parts of being single don’t make the pain of loss go away. Nevertheless, it’s necessary for you to work with what you have. You can’t undo the past, so your power lies in what you do in the present to build a bright future for yourself.
Living in a single state can be a very selfish time of life – and I mean that in the most positive of ways. Without the distraction of a partner and the responsibilities of commitment to another, it’s a period that can be all about you. How often do you have the opportunity to concentrate all your efforts on personal growth? Spend your time building your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical muscles. When you’re “buff ” you can use these muscles to take you to your next adventure.
Q and A
Question: Can you give me some tips on how to be a successful dater?
Answer: The English teacher in me loves a good acronym! Consequently, I say a good way is to act SMART.
S = Specific: Specifically define your goals, make a plan and put your plan into action.
M = maybe: Don’t be so quick to write off dates after one encounter. Even if it wasn’t a definite yes, as long as it’s not a no, at least say maybe. Due to nervousness, shyness or simply being inept at the dating process, a person may not be able to show you who he/she really is. All truths eventually come to light.
A = attainable: There’s someone for everyone, but you must be realistic. If you’re an out-of-shape, 60-year-old man who only wants to date 23-year-old athletic beach bunnies, you may be narrowing your chances of success. Without over-restricting yourself, draw the picture of your “dream” mate with attainable attributes.
R = relevant: Stay relevant by reading the latest books, magazines and newspapers so you have plenty of fodder for chitchat.
T = timely: Be prompt when meeting your date. Return emails or phone calls in a timely manner. Both of these behaviors show respect.
