My friend Karen told me about a recent experience that really hurt her. It started out as a harmless Sunday morning junket to some local yard sales with a friend, who, after some serious haggling, purchased a table and chairs for less than a $100.
“Boy, I really ‘Jewed’ them down, didn’t I?” her friend exclaimed proudly. Karen’s reaction was immediate and visceral – she was horrified, stunned into silence as an ocean of emotions flooded over her. How should she react? Should she let it pass as an ignorant comment and assume her friend meant no harm? Would she make it worse if she said something? Could she afford not to? I understood exactly how Karen felt because I encountered a similar situation with a non-Jewish friend who didn’t have a clue that what she said totally offended me. When I told her how I felt, she was shocked at my reaction.
“But I thought ‘Jewed’ was a verb,” my friend answered innocently. “It’s just a saying anyway, and you shouldn’t take it personally.” “How could I not take it personally?” I thought. Because words, like soldiers, march over us and damage our ability to trust. Ethnic stereotyping often boils down to hateful or narrow-minded misconceptions about a culture, race, religion or group in society. Whether we realize it or not, it’s a way to dehumanize others and the values they stand for or believe in. Whether rooted in ignorance or prejudice, it often serves as a scapegoat for problems in society and a vent for jealousy, frustration and anger. It can be overt, like Hitler’s depiction of the Jews as big-nosed and cunning, or covert, like media images that denigrate women who are not “Sex in the City” types.
The primary way to fight stereotypes is to refrain from stereotyping ourselves. If we become aware of how we label others who come from different backgrounds and cultures, if we avoid making generalizations about ethnic groups or sexual orientations based on false assumptions or faulty reasoning, then we can begin to reduce
the negative effect stereotyping has on all of us. Jews are well aware of the dangers that can arise when one group stereotypically portrays another group; but, as Jews, we must also be careful about how we speak about other Jews. We must take care not to disparage Orthodox Jews just because we follow different traditions or none at all. We shouldn’t belittle politically conservative Jews because we are more liberal. Each time we make prejudicial
comments about others, we say more about ourselves than about those whom we are stereotyping.
So what should Karen have done? What should any of us do when we encounter negative stereotyping? We have to talk about it, loud and clear, because how we respond is critical for many reasons. First, it lets others know that their actions are offensive. Second, it provides us with an opportunity to explain more about Judaism and correct misconceptions that might exist. And third, it gives us a chance to engage in building meaningful and honest relationships, which is the best way to fight stereotypes.
One by one, person to person, we can destroy misconceptions that have no basis in fact. If, like Karen, we find ourselves on the receiving end of a Jewish stereotype, it is our duty to inform the speaker that what she is saying is hurtful and wrong, reflecting intolerance and discrimination rather than fact. But we also have to avoid
making insensitive comments ourselves. Statements like “I was gypped” or someone is an “Indian giver” are offensive to Gypsies and Native Americans no less than “being Jewed down” is offensive to Jews. I’ll admit that I have never quite felt the same about my friend who said she “Jewed” someone down. Even though I have tried to forgive and forget, there is something within me that holds back, and I have become more cautious with her. Perhaps it is because I know that behind her seemingly innocuous statement lies a kernel of what she believes is the truth.
Amy Hirshberg Lederman is an author, Jewish educator, public speaker and attorney. Her columns have won awards from the American Jewish Press Association, the Arizona Newspapers Association and the Arizona Press Club for excellence in commentary. Visit her website at amyhirshberglederman.com.
