We asked three Arizona rabbis “How can Jewish or interfaith families turn their December dilemma into a positive, meaningful experience for children?”
Rabbi Alicia Magal
Jewish Community of Sedona and the Verde Valley | jcsvv.org
Hanukkah is actually a minor holiday compared to the biblical festivals and High Holy Days. Nevertheless, in America, within interfaith families and even in Jewish homes, there has developed a “December dilemma.”
One can decorate one’s home with blue, silver and gold decorations and place a beautiful hanukiah in a prominent place to bring in the beauty of lighting the candles each night of Hanukkah. One can play games of dreidel with many variations, and give small gifts most of eight nights, with one or two special gifts reserved for first and last nights. The taste and smell of latkes and jelly doughnuts or other holiday-associated treats create memories that stay with children.
Buying and bringing gifts for needy children instead of receiving a gift on one of the nights or before the holiday can also teach about the mitzvah of giving to others and not always thinking of ourselves. If parents don’t feel conflicted and are positive in their approach to celebrating in moderation, the children will learn that.
It is vital not to get caught up in tensions or conflicts. If possible, decorate a tree or celebrate with non-Jewish relatives or neighbors, and enjoy Hanukkah in your own home. Each family is different and must address their choices with care and consciousness, realizing that whatever they decide to do they are helping their children form their identity for the future.
Rabbi David Rebibo
Beth Joseph Congregation of Greater Phoenix | phoenixbethjoseph.org
Hanukkah, the Feast of Dedication, is observed for a period of eight days. The Hanukkah lights, which commemorate a most critical period in the history of Israel, when it smarted under the cruel lash of Antiochus of Syria. Antiochus realized the mainspring of Jewish survival was Judaism; and thus he delivered a paralyzing blow by declaring a blackout of Jewish religious practice.
A handful of committed, faithful soldiers led by the mighty Judas Maccabee overwhelmed the Syrian foe, reentered the desecrated Temple in Jerusalem and cleansed it of contamination. Discovering but one cruse of clean oils sufficient for one day’s burning, they proceeded to kindle the beautiful candelabra.
Miraculously, the flames flickered for eight long days until a fresh supply of oil could be had. In testimony to this great miracle, Jews annually kindle Hanukkah candles.
There is a profound significance in this beautiful Jewish tradition. The light of the Hanukkah candles symbolizes the light of freedom and equality. To a Jew freedom is holy, essential and basic. Without freedom, without equality, darkness becomes the sad lot of man, and life itself becomes unworthy. Jews have thus ever treasured freedom and warned against its corruption.
When Jews speak of freedom, we speak of freedom for all — freedom for the many, and freedom for the few. It follows, therefore, that if the freedom of one group is threatened, freedom as such stands endangered.
This message is especially true during the month of December when we find ourselves working doubly hard just to keep our faith and practice it vis-a-vis the onslaught of varied festivities and hoopla all around us.
But as inheritors of faith, we are appointed to preserve for future generations a clear legacy.
Rabbi Stephen Kahn
Congregation Beth Israel | cbiaz.org
The answer to the question of the “December dilemma” is always challenging for some. Here we have two different holidays, from two different religions with massively differing theological implications.
Hanukkah (a minor Jewish holiday) commemorates the victory of the Maccabees against the tyrannical Nebuchadnezzar in Jerusalem nearly 2,200 years ago. In addition to kindling the lights of the hanukiah, we daily give thanks to God for the rededication (Hanukkah) of the Holy Temple by reciting the words, “We give thanks for the redeeming wonders and the mighty deeds by which, at this season, our people was saved in days of old.”
Christmas, on the other hand, is a major holiday for Christianity. It is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, the savior and closes the Advent season. The central liturgy of Christmas includes readings from the Gospels of Luke and Matthew which act as “proof texts” for the birth of Jesus, which took place in Bethlehem 2,000 years ago. Saying that Christmas is an “American” holiday with “universal” messages would be comparable to someone saying “Passover isn’t about God’s liberation of the the Jewish nation from Egypt, it’s really just a nice dinner.”
From a Jewish standpoint, it is my opinion that the simultaneous celebration of Christmas and Hanukkah under one roof does not make any theological sense for a family which considers itself “Jewish” or “Christian.” For families who celebrate a minor Jewish holiday at the same time as commemorating a major Christian holiday — both with theologically conflicting focuses — the so-called “dilemma” will prevail and the remedy for any potential conflict, emotional or otherwise, will never be found.
However, a majority of the interfaith families I know have successfully navigated the so-called dilemma before they were married (or at least before they had children). If they choose to establish a “Jewish” home, they celebrate Hanukkah but still may celebrate Christmas outside of their home with friends, family and neighbors. In other words, there is no dilemma if a family makes the decision to have a Jewish home.
