Bess and Paul Ecelbarger may not be what our grandparents would have called a typical Jewish couple. While Bess was born and raised in a Jewish family in Rockland County, NY, Paul’s family was
non-Jewish and rooted in Tucson. However, they are raising their children in a Jewish home and are active members of Tucson’s Temple Emanu-El, a Reform congregation that reaches out to “Jews-by-choice and interfaith families” who raise their children Jewish. So, in today’s world of assimilation and mixed marriages, contrary to what our grandparents might have thought, the Ecelbargers stand out as a special and committed Jewish couple.
Of her lackadaisical Jewish upbringing, Bess recalls humorously, “We observed the Jewish holidays, but not too much.” Her parents were neither affiliated nor very observant Jews. And that proved to be insufficient for Bess. “I was probably in college when I started to feel I wanted to connect more with my Judaism,” Bess explains. In 1989, after graduating from high school, she enrolled at the University of Arizona, Tucson, where she met fellow student Paul Ecelbarger. “He’s not Jewish, and he didn’t grow up with any religious affiliation,” says Bess, so he was very accepting of her Jewish beliefs and practices. Eventually they married and agreed to raise their children as Jews. They have two bright, lovely daughters, Elena, age 13, and Audrey, age 9, who attend Shabbat services with their parents, and go to Sunday school and Hebrew school, as well.
Each year, the Ecelbargers eagerly anticipate the High Holidays, says Beth. On Rosh Hashanah, “…our synagogue does a Tashlich dinner in the park,” open to all members of the congregation. And at that event, the participants symbolically “cast their sins into the water,” an age-old Jewish tradition.
On Erev Rosh Hashanah (Rosh Hashanah Eve), the Ecelbargers join four other congregation families to share a festive holiday dinner in one of the group members’ homes. The families have enjoyed this traditional gathering “for many, many years,” says Bess. Naturally, the meal includes the traditional succulent beef brisket, fresh challah, apples and honey, and apple cake for dessert. Young Elena and Audrey are particularly fond of the apples and honey.
Though the Ecelbargers do not always attend Erev services at the temple, they never miss the next morning’s family service. Bess says the girls love to hear the shofar being blown during Rosh Hashanah. This year, for the first time, Elena (who became bat mitzvah this past March) will join Bess and Paul at the main service, while Audrey will continue at the children’s service until she’s older.
“I think what the children enjoy most about Rosh Hashanah,” says Bess, “is sharing the Jewish traditions with family and friends … the community aspect of it.”
As part of the Reform community, the Ecelbargers have created a strongly Jewish family that finds genuine meaning in Judaism and the High Holidays. We should all be that typical!
Joni Browne-Walders is a produced playwright, book editor and freelance writer. She can be reached at jonibw@hotmail.com.
