Dating is supposed to be fun. If you don’t see it that way, you’re facing failure before you even begin. As with every endeavor in life, your attitude is of paramount importance. The universe is giant mirror and whatever you project out will be reflected back to you. If you leave your house anticipating that your date will end badly, then it most certainly will. I suggest that before you leave home, set your intention to have fun. Additionally, slap a smile on your face and project a warm and welcoming aura. These three things alone will exponentially increase the chances of having a successful date.
Here are 10 more tips:
1. Be on time. This is simply a show of respect. No one likes to be kept waiting, especially if it’s the first time you’re meeting someone. Even if you’re a couple of minutes late, feelings of insecurity can set in and your date might feel like he/she is being stood up. This can set the tone for the entire evening, and it’s not a relaxed one.
2. Keep your alcohol consumption in check. Even though you might be nervous, and a drink could help to relax you, don’t consume more than one glass of alcohol. A drunken date is not an attractive date. Additionally, alcoholic beverages are expensive, and it’s not polite to have your date expend a lot of money on you, especially if this is just a get-to-know-you type of meeting.
3. Offer to share the cost. To follow up on point 2, it’s also polite to share the cost of the evening. The offer doesn’t have to be accepted, but it’s a nice gesture and is indicative of your attitude about carrying your fair share in a relationship.
4. Leave your prior relationships at home. A first date is not the time and place to rehash your entire life and talk about how an ex has done you wrong or how a late spouse was a saint with whom no one can compete. There certainly shouldn’t be any crying or ranting about past relationships.
5. Clean yourself up for your date. Again, this is a show of respect. Take time with your grooming and dress appropriately for the venue.
6. Inquiring minds want to know, but don’t interrogate. A date is about having a conversation, which includes questions and answers. It’s possible to show an interest in what someone is saying without having it sound like a police interrogation.
7. Be flexible and go with the flow. Try something you’ve never tasted. Participate in an activity new to you, even if there is a chance you might appear awkward. This is called being a good sport, and it will be noted and appreciated.
8. Keep your sense of humor. The ability to laugh with each other (and at yourself) makes for a pleasant and relaxing atmosphere. Laughter encourages good feelings about the other
person.
9. Know when to end the date. Even if it’s love at first sight, don’t drag the date out forever. Create an atmosphere where both parties leave with an urgency to see each other again.
10. Let your feelings be known. No one is a mind reader, and no one likes being rejected. If you like someone and want to see him/her again, leave broad enough hints without cornering your date into making an on-the-spot decision whether he/she would like to meet again. Send a text or an email the next day to thank your date and let him/her know that you’re open to exploring the idea of getting to know each other.
In conclusion, the way to have an A+ first date is to make the meeting fun, easy and stress-free. Come to it sans expectations; then whatever the result, it will be a positive one.
QUESTION AND ANSWER
Question: Although I’m quite a conversationalist once I know and feel comfortable with someone, I often get tongue-tied in new social situations and encounters with strangers. This is hampering my success in the dating arena, because I’m finding it nearly impossible to get past the initial meeting. Can you offer some advice on how to overcome this?
Answer: You’re not alone in your difficulty talking to new people. Here’s the secret: it lies in being able to ask a good question. This requires you to let go of your ego that whispers in your ear that you may look foolish or uninformed if you ask questions or seem intimidated by the breadth of knowledge of others. Of course, you must ask quality questions of your date and certainly not in an interview-like manner.
The first step is to determine what your date is passionate about, or what activities he/she enjoys. You may not be familiar with these topics, so set your mind toward learning about them by asking pertinent questions. This is truly the easiest way to engage someone new in a meaningful conversation. It also helps to be observant so that you can pick up on clues your date may be subtly offering about his/her mood, likes and dislikes, or level of comfort. Once ascertained, you have the option of sympathizing and attempting to find common ground.
Ellen Gerst is a relationship coach, author and workshop leader. Visit LNG erst.com. To ask Ellen a question to be answered in a future column, email her at LNG erst@LNG erst.com.
