Looking for love in a focused manner can be a laborious undertaking. Accordingly, it’s possible that you’re encountering obstacles because of time constraints due to other responsibilities. But remember, it’s vital to devote enough concentrated effort to this important endeavor to be successful in your search for a partner.
When I entered the online dating world more than a decade ago, I took a gigantic leap of faith because I knew nothing about how to date. What I did know, however, was how to have a relationship AND how to be systematic and set goals – two qualities that served me well. For those who have never dated via the Internet, upon posting a profile, you immediately become a target for a tremendous amount of email contact. You’re the “new kid on the block” and everyone is anxious to meet you – at least in cyberspace. It can actually be overwhelming, unless you’re prepared for the onslaught.
Thinking logistically, I decided to use tools that could provide the most expedient results. First, I created a new email address that I used only for dating sites. This kept my dating queries segregated from my personal and business email. I was able to scan my mailbox with ease and avoid overlooking any messages. Furthermore, if I started receiving too many unwanted emails, I could easily delete the address and update my profile with a new one.
Next, I decided to use both Word and Excel as follows:
Through dating sites, members send out “feeler” emails to prospective dates. Having received many, I noticed they all said basically the same thing, and I was responding in a similar manner. This seemed tedious and repetitive; using Word, I created a master file with various stock responses. When I did respond to an email, this afforded me extra moments to personalize the salutation and add a few lines at the end, which showed I actually read the person’s profile!
For usage in correspondence past the initial contact, I also penned some personal anecdotes, which I thought were suitable and engaging. When needed, I simply copied and pasted the appropriate one into my email. I would also personalize my response, so it answered questions my prospective date had posed.
In addition, my Word document included the standard rejection note. Since cyberspace is a cruel place, it’s always nice to acknowledge a person’s contact, even if you’re not interested in pursuing it further. Everyone deserves a bit of courtesy and kindness, and it only takes seconds to respond – especially if you’re just copying and pasting!
Using a “stock” answer for a reply or a rejection may seem cold, but when your mailbox is filled with queries, you need to save minutes. I’m not suggesting that you use this procedure for long – only at the inception of the contact. You can also review your correspondence and figure out which ones spark your interest enough to continue communicating. Since dating is a numbers game, I interacted online with many potential dates at the same time. Consequently, an issue for me was figuring out how to keep track of which stage I was at with each man. For example, which information about me had I already emailed? I certainly didn’t want to repeat the same old stories before I even met my date!
Creating another master file in Excel became invaluable. This one included a list of all those with whom I had some sort of contact. Along with recording some pertinent information about each potential date and keeping track of what tidbits I had shared, I copied and pasted the dating site profile picture of each into the file. This helped me to link names and faces. This is important because many people are on multiple sites and sometimes use different “handles” as a user name. You want to make sure you’re not contacting the same person more than once or they you. If one rejection is hard enough, two from the same person is certainly not twice as much fun!
You can also collect and keep track of valuable data on the multiple tabs feature of Excel. If you’re feeling generous, you can share this information with your friends. Just because someone isn’t right for you, it doesn’t mean that he/she isn’t perfect for someone you know. In this situation, you can play mini-matchmaker within your own circle of friends, and they can do the same for you. This pooling of efforts and information exponentially increases the people you can meet while reducing the amount of time needed to filter through dating-site profiles to find appropriate matches.
If a relationship progresses past the third date, it’s time to discard the spreadsheet for this person. However, you may want to copy and paste all the emails exchanged into a new Word document. This lets you remember what you said and the response you received. Reading these more than once can provide added insight into a person whom you don’t know well. Furthermore, it’s easier to have them in one place rather than having to search through old emails.
Using both Word and Excel in the preceding manner let’s you stay organized, which provides more time for fun. It worked for me, and it can work for you! I met my current husband online after 11 months of fast and furious Internet dating, and we’ve been happily married for 11 years. I still have my Word file that contains every email the two of us exchanged during our yearlong courtship (and he does too!). To me, it’s simply the modern-day version of a box of love letters that you can keep tucked away. Over the years, I’ve reread them many times, and this makes me fall in love all over again.
Ellen Gerst is a relationship coach, author and workshop leader. Visit lngerst.com. To ask Ellen a question to be answered in a future column, email her at [email protected].
