The American Heritage New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy defines “peer pressure” as: “The social influence a peer group exerts on its individual members, as each member attempts to conform to the expectations of the group.”
In common colloquial terms, we think of peer pressure as the negative and insidious way teenagers coerce each other to drink alcohol, experiment with drugs and rebel against their parents. But what if you turned peer pressure upside down and thought of it as a good thing – as a way for kind, thoughtful young people to bring about change within their social sphere? Think of the power you could harness by using peer pressure to make teenage life more accepting, inclusive and tolerant. Well, luckily for kids today, Matthew Kaplan is doing just that with his Be O.N.E. (Open to New Experiences) Project.
In the summer before his eighth-grade year, Matthew, a local Phoenix student who was attending Arizona School for the Arts, founded The Be O.N.E. Project after witnessing his younger brother become a victim of cyber bullying.
“He started to get text messages from ‘friends’ saying really cruel things like ‘you’re stupid,’ or ‘you’re a jerk,” Matthew explains. When his mom attempted to intervene on her son’s behalf, she was given the age-old story that “kids will be kids,” and that there was nothing that could be done to fix the problem. “I saw my brother start to internalize the negative things people were saying to him,” says Matthew. “I saw him sitting alone at lunch.”
Matthew grew up in a family that encouraged action and standing up for your beliefs. At a certain point he thought to himself, “Enough is enough. Kids can be kids in a nice way.” With his mom’s encouragement, and the help of his amazing seventh- and eighth-grade life skills counselor, Liz Kuhl, Matthew decided to do something to address the bullying that had become rampant at his school. After spending the summer researching, talking to students and educators, and identifying the issues associated with bullying, Matthew determined that the best way to combat bullying was to use positive peer pressure to spread the message of inclusion. “You can’t just talk at kids,” he says. “You need to engage them. This program is completely interactive.”
Matthew developed the program through trial and error and has honed it into a powerful three- hour interactive session that includes activities and large and small group discussions. He starts the process by meeting with school principals to assess the issues of exclusion and bullying at any given school. Then, based on the
specific school interests, he tailors a program to fit each school’s individual needs. “We usually start with a light icebreaker,” he tells me, “to help kids break out of their shells.” Then Matthew leads groups in various activities and discussions about how they want to view themselves and others and how their actions can be hurtful even when they’re just “kidding around.”
“This is a program about changing behavior,” Matthew clarifies. “At the end of the day, I always give kids the opportunity to apologize to someone.” He then tells me the extraordinary story of one of his brother’s bullies who apologized for her behavior and confessed to not knowing how to channel her own insecurity. “The majority of bullying behavior comes from insensitivity,” says Matthew. “Kids really don’t realize how hurtful they are being.”
According to Matthew, “The Be O.N.E. Project breaks down barriers, opens lines of communication and instills a sense of trust and community. By fostering a school culture of mutual respect, acceptance and support, The Be O.N.E. Project empowers students to create for themselves a nurturing learning environment, which reduces physical, verbal and cyber bullying.”
With a generation raised on IMs, Tweets and Facebook messages, anonymity is one reason cyber bullying is such a threat to kids. “When we don’t see people’s faces,” Matthew says, “we don’t know how much something hurts them.” Middle school is the perfect time to use positive peer pressure to interrupt potential cyber bullying and bad behavior. “Kids are just beginning to access technology,” says Matthew. “We give them the tools so they can use their power to be either supportive or destructive. They can choose which way to go.”
Matthew thinks that waiting to intervene until high school, when many anti-bullying programs go into effect, is too late. By the time kids get into high school, bullying, intimidation and subsequent isolation have become habits that are deeply ingrained and difficult to combat. “Students in fifth through eighth grades are at a critical juncture in their development and growth,” explains Matthew. “During this time frame, kids develop their sense of themselves and how they want to be perceived by others. Most students who bully during this time do so because they feel pressure to conform and to feel better about themselves. Social media makes the bullying easy and anonymous.”
Most middle school bullies do not perceive their behavior as bullying because they do not recognize the harm they are doing. “They feel alone,” Matthew says, “and they externalize their insecurity.” The Be O.N.E. Project works to raise students’ awareness and sensitivity to others, and also helps improve personal self-esteem and promotes positive self-image.
Matthew was raised in a family that blended Conservative and Reform Jewish ideals and credits his early interest in combatting bullying to his summers spent at Camp Ramah in California. “It was at Camp Ramah that I first learned the concept of lashon hara (literally evil tongue), which forms the foundation of my work at The Be O.N.E. Project,” says Matthew. “The core goal of The Be O.N.E. Project is to make kids realize that the words they say are powerful, and that they must choose whether to wield this power to be supportive or destructive.”
Matthew’s press coverage and popularity has been extraordinary. In addition to being featured on “Good Morning America” and “Sonoran Living Live,” he was awarded the AmTrust Caring Kid Award and was chosen as one of the 51 National Child Awareness Month Youth Ambassadors who attended a three-day leadership training on Capitol Hill. In addition, Go Inspire Go, a nonprofit group that uses social media to share stories of everyday people doing extraordinary things, launched a campaign this year to tell the stories of 50 real life heroes in 50 states. Matthew was selected to be the kick-off story of their 50/50 mission for his work on The Be O.N.E. Project.
Over 900 students in Arizona have participated in Be O.N.E., and Matthew hopes to offer the program to schools throughout Arizona and across the country. He is offering the program free of charge for the first year. But he assures me that even if there is a fee for the program in the future, no school will ever be turned down because of budget. Matthew contends, “The solution to bullying shouldn’t be only for those schools who can afford to pay for it.”
