Has your status read “single” for quite some time? Now that the new year has started, you may be ready to look for new love.
Stepping into the dating arena can reawaken senses that have remained dormant while you were without a special someone. After a long hiatus, upon connecting with a prospective partner, you start to remember what it feels like to be in love – or at least in like. And it feels great!
The object of your affection may be showering you with attention – telling you how wonderful you are and very soon professing his/her love.
It’s very tempting to get caught up in this whirlwind of good feelings. However, when you’re in the midst of a cyclone, your vision can become blurred. Red flags may be flying, but either you can’t see them or you’re ignoring them.
It feels like the sweet smell of love is in the air, and you want to breathe it in. For the first time in a long time, you allow yourself to be vulnerable to another. There’s a whole lot of sharing and caring going on, and the two of you are in constant contact.
Perhaps after a few months, or it might even be weeks, the “winds” die down. Contact is a little less frequent. Affirmations of love are a little slower in coming. In general, there’s a pullback.
You might wonder, “What did I do?” or “When and how did things change?” You’re confused and probably a little hurt, too.
So, what happened? Well, if this was a first foray into dating after the end of a former relationship, you may have been infatuated with the idea of love versus truly loving a prospective partner.
When you’re able to look past your emotions and reflect on the situation, you might come to the following conclusion. You actually loved the way you were being loved because this made you feel so great about yourself – and this was a way you haven’t felt in a long time, romantically speaking.
When the loving interactions stopped, consider whether you really missed the other person or only the good feelings you derived by being the recipient of love and desire.
This is one of the reasons why it’s important to take your time before making lifetime commitments. Chemistry is terrific, but real love takes time to develop. Budding relationships are experiments until they metamorphose into something real. Consequently, here’s my best advice that I give to daters: Take It Slow – Take It Slow – Take It Slow!
Question and Answer
Q: I haven’t dated in a long time, and I’m having first date anxiety. Do you have any suggestions on how to overcome this queasy feeling?
A: Two common concerns you may be harboring are: (1) you won’t have enough about which to talk, or (2) your date could find you boring.
In truth, keeping a conversation going isn’t as hard as starting the ball rolling. Consequently, keep in mind that a good majority of people like to talk about themselves. So, if you’re nervous, forget about being interesting. Just be interested in what your date has to say.
Although you don’t want your time together to turn into a question-and-answer drill, you can still pose questions to spark conversation. Here are some sample questions to keep on hand.
What are some things that make you laugh or just go hmmm? What was the best thing about your family life when you were a young child? What is one thing about you that would surprise me? Do you have a special talent? What’s your favorite movie, TV show, band, etc.? What’s your favorite way to spend your free time? If you could live anywhere in the world, where would that be and why?
